When we Collide

It’s been a while since my last post. Things have been really good lately!

• Dave and I are in a really good place and we’ve been working on our wee house to get it feeling a bit more like our own home.
• I also got results from the doctor and I found out that have an iron and B12 deficiency. That’s what has been making me feel so tired and faint, and it’s also been affecting my mood. The doctor also said that I have been taking panic attacks due to over-exertion and stress. It’s good to have more certainty about where all these feelings have been coming from, and with the B12 injections and a bit more care for my body, my time and mood, I have been feeling much more like myself!
• School’s on the wind down, so I have a lot more time to finish up bits of admin and paperwork. It also means that I feel more at ease to go socialise without as much pressure in marking and lesson prep.
• It was my birthday and I had such a class time. I went over to Mum and Dad’s and had a family Chinese takeaway treat. Dave gave me an amazing ukulele with a Fishman pickup so I can play it in band! Then my brother and sister got me a SNEZ with Zelda and Mario which I have always wanted!

Something happened last night though that has put a real dampener on things. I have a friend with whom there’s a lot of history. This guy was one of my best friends about 6 years ago and he knows everything about me, including the stuff I wish no-one knew. When I started going out with Dave his attitude changed, and I should have listened to people when they said he was romantically interested. The thing is though that we were the most platonic any friendship could be, and I’m not in some kind of denial here. I saw him as a big brother and we only ever really socialised with our group of friends, but I’m a bit oblivious sometimes on the flirting front it seems and maybe I missed that whole vibe from him?

Over the last 2 years, things have been quite horrible actually. At first our friendship faded to nothing more than a casual acquaintanceship even though we work together in church every week. Then it turned viscous and he began to personally attack me in my professional role within church. People began to notice and asked what had happened for this kind of behaviour to manifest itself, and I had to honestly say that I had no idea. I’ve had to practise all the patience and grace I have, because it’s tough enough having someone who sees you as an enemy. It’s worse when that person is an old friend.

Last night he pulled me aside to talk, and verbally attacked me in a way I have never been spoken to before. He faulted my character, my work and my family (that last one was tough to stay calm for) and all I could do was let him get it out and then step away. On top of that, he has quit his role alongside me because he says he can’t work under me anymore.

It’s got me down to be honest, but I had to confide in our pastoral care worker (because it was an accusation of character) and they were so compassionate and helpful. I’m trying to stay positive and continue on with grace and integrity. I suppose life gives these knocks sometimes, and the proof of character is the manner in which you face them.